Editor’s note: This is the second in a series describing the power that can be found by talking less, and listening more. The first article is here.
Financial advisors talk too much. Not because they want to, but because their brains are stuck in a habit loop. And habits, once formed, are hard to break.
The good news? The brain is flexible. It rewires itself. With the right intention and strategy, you can break the cycle.
Over the years, the Horsesmouth Discovery Lab has recorded nearly 100 discovery meetings. The results are clear. Not one advisor spoke less than half the time. On average, advisors dominated 69.9% of the conversation—and in some cases, a prospect spoke only 10%.
Do the math. The advisor talked seven times more than the prospect. That’s not a conversation. That’s a lecture.
Talking too much is a problem you can fix. First, you become aware you’re doing it. Then, you understand why you do it. And finally, you do something about it. I’ll show you how.
How the brain forms habits
Habits live in the basal ganglia, the brain’s center for automatic behaviors. Every habit follows a predictable loop:
- Cue: The trigger (e.g., anxiety, excitement).
- Routine: The behavior (e.g., talking excessively).
- Reward: The payoff (e.g., feeling heard, avoiding awkward silence).
Every time this loop repeats, neural pathways strengthen. The brain values efficiency, so talking too much becomes second nature.
Why talking too much feels automatic
Think of your brain like a system of trails. The more you use a path, the smoother it gets.
- Long-term potentiation (LTP) strengthens the connections between neurons, making habits easier to repeat.
- The brain coats frequently used pathways in myelin, a fatty substance that speeds up signals.
The result? The more you talk, the easier it becomes to keep talking.
Dopamine also plays a role. When you speak and receive a reaction—laughter, agreement or even just acknowledgment—your brain releases dopamine, which gives you a pleasurable feeling, reinforcing the behavior. It learns: “This works. Do it again.”
The highways of the mind: How neural pathways shape habits
Your brain is an evolving network of neural pathways, much like a city’s road system.
How habits form:
- New habits start as dirt paths: difficult and slow.
- Reinforced habits become paved roads: easier and more natural.
- Deeply ingrained habits turn into highways: fast, automatic and hard to reroute.
Once a habit is well-formed, myelin strengthens these pathways, making the behavior feel effortless.
How habits change: The science of rewiring
The brain can change—but it won’t unless you disrupt the old pathways and build new ones.
How to rewire a habit:
- Stop using the old pathway: The brain prunes unused connections.
- Create a new path: Through repetition, a new behavior becomes the default.
At first, forming a new habit feels unnatural—like clearing a path through dense undergrowth. But with repetition, the new trail strengthens, eventually becoming the primary route.
The key to lasting change
The brain always takes the easiest path. That means:
- Consistency matters: The more you use a new habit, the stronger it gets.
- Old habits fade when ignored: If you stop reinforcing them, they break down.
- Rewards accelerate change: Dopamine reinforces new habits when linked to a positive outcome.
Breaking a habit isn’t about willpower—it’s about rewiring your brain. Choose and reinforce new behaviors consistently, and real transformation happens.
How to break the habit of overtalking
Your brain can change—that’s neuroplasticity at work. But it takes effort.
Step 1: Increase awareness
Most overtalkers don’t realize they’re doing it. Ask yourself:
- Do you feel the urge to fill silence?
- Do you talk more when nervous or excited?
Quick fix: Pause before speaking. Count to three. Let others jump in. This small disruption weakens the habit loop.
Step 2: Weaken the old pathway
The brain follows a “use it or lose it” rule. Stop reinforcing a habit, and it weakens.
Try this:
- Set a goal: Speak half as much as usual.
- Use a physical cue: Rest your hand on your lap before speaking.
- Get comfortable with silence: Pause longer than feels natural.
It will feel awkward at first. That’s a sign of change.
Step 3: Build a new pathway
If you remove a habit, you must replace it—or your brain will default back.
- Ask open-ended questions.
- Summarize what others say.
- Track your interruptions. Count how often you don’t.
Every time you do this, you reinforce a new habit. Over time, listening will feel automatic.
Step 4: Change the reward system
Talking too much used to reward you with attention. You need a new reward.
- Celebrate when someone thanks you for listening.
- Recognize when conversations feel balanced.
- Replace “I got to talk!” with “I helped them feel heard.”
Your brain will start pairing listening with success. And dopamine will reinforce the new habit.
Critical insight: Why replacing is easier than stopping
It’s easier for the brain to start a new habit than to simply stop an old one. Here’s why:
The brain hates a void
- When you stop an old habit without replacing it, the brain craves the familiar behavior.
- It’s like removing a highway without building an alternate route—your brain will try to take the old road.
Creating vs. erasing pathways
- Starting a new habit builds a fresh pathway, which feels productive.
- Stopping an old habit leaves a gap. If you don’t fill it, your brain defaults to the old behavior.
The role of dopamine
- Stopping an old habit removes the dopamine hit, making it feel like something is missing.
- Starting a new habit creates a fresh dopamine cycle, reinforcing change.
Best strategy?
- Don’t just stop—replace. If you want to talk less, start asking more questions.
- Make the new habit rewarding. Attach a small win to reinforce the change.
- Be consistent. The more you use the new pathway, the weaker the old one becomes.
Conclusion: The path to change
Breaking the habit of overtalking isn’t about willpower. It’s about rewiring your brain.
- Identify the trigger. What makes you talk too much?
- Interrupt the cycle. Take an extra beat before speaking.
- Weaken the old habit. Let silence be your ally.
- Strengthen the new habit, Train yourself to listen.
- Reward the change. Find satisfaction in balance.
At first, it will feel strange. Then, it will feel natural. Eventually, it will be who you are.
Your brain adapts. You control the rewiring. And when you do, conversations will shift. People will listen more. And—finally—so will you.