Tolerations, Toxic Clients, and Other Aggravations: The Invisible Chains That Bind Us

Jan 3, 2025 / By Chris Holman
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We all put up with annoyances every day, some of the big, some of them niggly. All of them drain energy. Learn to identify these ‘tolerations’ and how to eliminate them.
Editor’s note: This is the first in a series.

As we begin 2025, many of us are searching for ways to improve our lives and simplify our routines. One often overlooked yet impactful habit is addressing tolerations—those small irritations that quietly drain energy and focus over time.

By making it a priority to tackle these issues, you can gain clarity, take control, and enhance productivity and peace of mind.

The hidden cost of tolerating a toxic client

Meet Megan, an experienced financial advisor, and her client, Greg. At first glance, Greg seemed like the perfect client—a multi-million-dollar portfolio, a successful career, and an amiable demeanor. However, over time, his behavior painted a different picture. Greg regularly canceled meetings at the last minute or showed up late without apology. He dismissed Megan’s expertise, often questioning her advice and neglecting agreed-upon strategies.

To make matters worse, Greg flooded Megan with late-night emails about his shifting financial whims, creating constant chaos. While Megan valued her commitment to excellent client service, managing Greg felt less like a partnership and more like an ongoing crisis. The stress began to erode her enthusiasm for work, diminishing her ability to focus on other clients.

Despite the toll, Greg’s $20,000 annual fees made him a challenging client to let go. Megan struggled with how to navigate a conversation about ending their relationship. In the end, she chose to endure Greg’s behavior—a decision that highlights the difficult balance between financial success and personal well-being.

At what point does the cost of tolerating a difficult client outweigh the benefits? Every professional must grapple with this question at some point.

Recognizing the disruptors in life

Some aggravations sneak in unnoticed, quietly growing into significant burdens. Others, like Greg, are impossible to ignore. These are what Thomas Leonard, a pioneer in professional coaching, called “tolerations.” Like cracks in a foundation, tolerations may seem minor but can undermine your well-being if left unresolved.

Leonard introduced the concept of tolerations in the 1990s, describing them as “leaks in your personal energy bucket.” These can range from small nuisances, like a messy desk, to major issues, like an unfulfilling job.

Addressing tolerations not only frees up energy but also creates space for growth—a principle that remains vital in coaching today.

Why tolerations take a toll

Tolerations trigger stress responses in the brain, particularly in areas like the locus coeruleus (LC), which regulates focus and attention, and the default mode network (DMN), which governs internal thought processes. Persistent tolerations overstimulate these regions, reducing cognitive efficiency and fueling worry. By addressing tolerations, you can break free from these cycles and refocus on meaningful tasks.

Common examples of tolerations

At home

  • Cluttered spaces: Unopened mail piling up on the counter.
  • Unfinished projects: A half-painted wall waiting for attention.
  • Poor habits: Leaving dirty dishes in the sink.

At work

  • Disorganized workspaces: Outdated files crowding a desk.
  • Inefficient tools: Software that slows productivity.
  • Unresolved conflicts: Lingering tensions with colleagues.

Steps to eliminate tolerations

  1. Awareness
    • Create a list of tolerations to make them visible.
  2. Prioritize
    • Group tolerations by type and rank them based on their impact. Start with the most significant ones.
  3. Take action
    • Address small issues immediately (e.g., fix a dripping faucet).
    • Break larger tolerations into manageable steps.
  4. Build systems
    • Prevent future tolerations by establishing habits and systems, such as routine decluttering.
  5. Review regularly
    • Periodically check for new tolerations and address them promptly.

The reward of living without tolerations

Imagine enjoying a peaceful moment in a café. Now, picture a wobbly chair or lukewarm coffee disrupting your experience. These small annoyances—like tolerations—distract from the present. Addressing them creates clarity and simplicity.

As Marcus Aurelius wisely said, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

By tackling tolerations, you reclaim control over your environment and mindset, paving the way for a life of focus and balance.

Your call to action

Tolerations are the crabgrass in life’s garden. Left unchecked, they crowd out opportunities for growth. Start your list today, take the first step, and embrace the benefits of a toleration-free life.

Note: This essay is the first in a series exploring how to fix your tolerations. Future articles will explore practical strategies for identifying and eliminating these subtle yet impactful barriers to a better quality of life, including: a 5-step framework for identifying and resolving all tolerations, the 10 most common tolerations of financial advisors, addressing tolerations with intentional language, and much more. Stay tuned for actionable insights to help you clear the path to a more focused and fulfilling existence.

Chris Holman is the executive coach with Horsesmouth. His career in financial services spans 43 years as a financial advisor, a national director of investments, and an executive coach. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) as certified by the International Coach Federation (ICF). He can be reached at cholman@horsesmouth.com.

Comments

Chris...thanks. For much of my 71 years, I've endured my tolerations. Maybe it's my Catholic upbringing and it's peculiar fascination with "suffering"? Only relatively recently have I gotten hip to clearing tolerations from my life. It's a work in progress, and it feels pretty good.
I look forward to the remaining four articles in this series. There are many tolerations in each day we live, helping to recognize them and take action will go along way in helping to achieve personal and professional goals, and perhaps make life more enjoyable! Thank you, Chris Holman!

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