Editor’s note: Chris Holman, Horsesmouth’s executive coach, will conduct a virtual workshop titled “Transform Your Discovery Meeting” on September 8–9.
Maria sat across from her advisor, Liam, smiling politely as he reviewed her retirement projections. She nodded when he spoke, answered when he asked, and kept her expression friendly, even when the topic turned to debt. “Nope, nothing major,” she said, shifting slightly in her seat. Two months later, as Liam finalized her plan, he uncovered a critical detail: a second mortgage on a vacation home. Not only had Maria withheld it, but the payments were consuming nearly 40% of her income. Why didn’t she mention it? Was it dishonesty? Or something else entirely?
Shame? Fear of judgment? The sense that it wasn’t “relevant”? Liam assumed he’d asked the right questions. Maria assumed she had to filter her answers. Neither was fully wrong. But something important got lost in that gap.
Financial advisors encounter this scenario regularly; prospects who omit details, downplay financial stress, or avoid discussing certain topics. While it might be tempting to assume deception, the reality is far more psychological than intentional.
The more advisors understand why prospects hesitate to be fully transparent, the better they can foster trust, uncover critical financial details, and help prospects move toward better decision-making.
Why prospects hold back
Money isn’t just math. It’s memory, identity, and emotion, often tangled with shame, fear, and regret. When prospects hold back in conversation, it’s rarely because they’re unwilling. More often, they’re protecting something tender.
One of the most effective ways to invite openness is to lead with warmth, not just competence.
For many, the hesitation begins with fear of judgment. Even high earners can feel exposed when they admit to past missteps. A doctor making $400,000 a year might carry $100,000 in credit card debt. But disclosing that, even to a professional, can feel like admitting personal failure. Others worry that admitting gaps in savings or impulsive spending will make them seem irresponsible. These emotions run deep, and when prospects sense even a hint of condescension, they shut down.
Then there are those shaped by bad experiences. Some have worked with advisors who prioritized products over people, offering advice that felt more transactional than trustworthy. Others recall being dismissed or patronized when they tried to explain their financial concerns. For a widow pressured into a high-fee annuity she didn’t understand, vulnerability in a new advisory relationship won’t come easily.
And sometimes, the barrier is simple avoidance. Talking about money stirs anxiety—especially when there’s debt, unfiled taxes, or patterns of emotional spending in the background. Avoidance becomes a form of self-protection. The thinking is: If I don’t bring it up, maybe it won’t come up.
But silence doesn’t equal peace. It’s just another signal that trust hasn’t yet been earned. Understanding these dynamics isn’t about diagnosing your prospect—it’s about meeting them with empathy. If you know why they’re holding back, you’re far better equipped to create a space they feel safe stepping into.
What silence hides
Most prospects aren’t hiding the truth. Not intentionally. They’re protecting themselves, from shame, judgment, and fear.
In one study, 30% of clients admitted to withholding vital personal financial information from their advisor. Not prospects. Clients.
Even in established relationships, that emotional caution persists. So imagine how much more guarded someone might be in a first meeting. The stakes feel higher, the exposure more acute, and the trust unproven.
Recognizing this allows advisors to approach conversations with more empathy and less frustration.
How the brain responds to financial stress
When a prospect hesitates to open up, it’s not always a matter of unwillingness. Often, it’s neurological. The brain interprets financial stress much like physical danger, and that perception shapes behavior in powerful, often invisible ways.
The body’s fight, flight, or freeze response shows up quickly when financial fear or shame enters the room. The fight, flight, or freeze response isn’t limited to physical danger; it can also be triggered by financial fear or shame. When the brain perceives emotional threat, especially around money, the amygdala can take the lead, disrupting clear thinking.
A prospect might become defensive (“That’s not important right now”), try to move the conversation along too quickly (“I don’t really want to get into that”), or go quiet, offering vague responses like “I’m not sure… I’ll have to check.”
These behaviors aren’t necessarily resistance. More often, they’re a signal of mental overload. Even small cues, like avoiding eye contact or shifting in their seat, can point to a nervous system under strain.
The brain reacts in the moment, and it also builds patterns over time. Through a process called neuroplasticity, it builds patterns over time.
If someone grew up in a home where money triggered arguments, they may now feel anxious every time finances are discussed. If they were never taught the basics, admitting what they don’t know can feel humiliating. Past mistakes, especially those that led to real consequences, can make even simple questions feel threatening.
This is why financial transparency isn’t just about facts. It’s about safety. It’s about helping the brain shift from defense to openness, from survival mode to curiosity. And that shift doesn’t happen with data. It happens with empathy, pacing, and presence.
Creating a climate for financial honesty
Honest conversations don’t happen by default. They require an environment where people feel safe, emotionally, cognitively, and socially. When prospects sense judgment or pressure, they instinctively pull back. But when the space feels empathetic and non-threatening, they’re far more likely to share the full picture.
One of the most effective ways to invite openness is to lead with warmth, not just competence. While many advisors feel the need to establish their expertise upfront, connection often does more to move the conversation forward.
Starting with a prompt like, “Tell me about your financial goals and what matters most to you,” signals care before calculation. Even briefly sharing a personal financial lesson, something honest and human, can create instant rapport.
It also helps to normalize financial vulnerability. Many prospects feel like they’re the only ones behind, the only ones carrying debt, or the only ones who don’t understand the language of finance.
That isolation makes honesty harder. Gently offering context, like how common it is to carry debt into retirement, or how many people struggle with budgeting, can diffuse shame. Phrases like, “A lot of people I work with have faced something similar,” do more than reassure. They widen the lens.
And the questions you ask matter. Closed-ended questions tend to shut things down. Open, emotionally intelligent prompts create room for real dialogue.
Instead of asking, “Do you have any debt?” try, “Are there any financial obligations that keep you up at night?”
The difference isn’t just in tone. It’s in the kind of answer it invites. Prospects often reveal more when asked how a financial decision makes them feel, not just what the numbers are.
Honesty tends to surface when people feel seen, not sized up. The more grounded and attentive the environment, the more likely prospects are to name the challenges that actually need addressing.
The truth comes with trust
Honest conversations take root in the right conditions. When prospects feel safe, genuinely heard, and free to be real, something deeper starts to unfold. Safety is earned, not assumed.
Empathy works better than interrogation, and the right environment unlocks real transparency. When advisors create space for honest dialogue, prospects begin to open. Sharing not just their numbers, but their stories, fears, and hopes for the future.
And that’s when true financial planning begins.
Thoughts to carry forward
- Prospects often withhold financial details due to shame, fear of judgment, or past negative experiences, not deception.
- Financial stress triggers avoidance behaviors, making it essential for advisors to recognize emotional cues and respond with empathy.
- Creating a safe, judgment-free space through warmth, normalization, and open-ended questions encourages prospects to share the full picture.